4 Tips on how to deal with pain & fear

Darrielle Maree
May 14, 2018
4 min read

I used to feel pain ALOT. In fact, there was a very long period in my life where I felt like the pain would honestly never go away. It stuck for a long time and now looking back, I think I know why.

It's because I pushed it away, I suppressed it in any way I could, I escaped as soon as it started to surface and I would run as far away from it that I could. I would put all of this pressure on myself to rid myself completely of any hurt, pain and unhappiness, yet the pain kept coming.

I have learnt how to live a much more centred, balanced and joyful life these days, and this is my mission, to teach other mums how they too can change their lives. However, I am human, I still feel deep pain at times. My reality is that I have an angel with special needs and I have learnt to accept that no matter how much I focus on the positives in my life, it is absolutely OK for me to feel pain.

Life can still feel happy, yet we need to accept that we will have times when we feel low and that's totally normal and fine to feel that way.

So, I want to share with you a few tips that help me to be able to move through the pain, helping to release it and move forward as quickly as possible rather than holding onto it and having it continually resurface and cause us increased grief.

1. It's OK to feel pain:

I think as mums, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be the 'perfect' mother. We want to strive above our fears, anxieties, challenges and pain, however, what we seem to do becomes frustrated with ourselves whenever we feel down. Feelings of anger and disappointment seem to surface about ourselves feeling this pain. We want to move on quickly from it so we tend to fire negative thoughts at ourselves internally in the hope these painful feelings will disappear. Have you ever heard the saying: 'What we resist, persists'? Well, when we run away, escape and suppress our challenging emotions, we push them back down into our body, therefore it's only a matter of time before they will resurface, or stay around causing continual hurt until we allow ourselves to release them. The best way to deal with pain when it arises is to embrace it, honour it, tell yourself 'its ok for me to be feeling like this', and give yourself some well-needed credit. Don't push it away, invite it in (whilst ensuring you follow the next steps to help to release it).

2. Feel into the pain:

A powerful way of releasing pain from our body is to focus our attention on it directly. When it surfaces, an effective way of doing this is putting all of your attention onto the pain itself with the body. Ask yourself: 'Where in my body is this hurting?' and 'What does it feel like?' Often by simply focusing our attention internally on the feeling we are experiencing, is enough to help to release or subside the pain. This works for me every time :)

3. Nurture yourself:

Now is definitely not the time to rush around running errands for everyone else but yourself. We need to grant ourselves some SPACE during this time. It will probably mean cancelling plans and getting some extra support for your children so you can have a break to regroup. Make sure you make time for you to rest or sleep if you need it. Hold yourself in high regard (you should always do this but its imperative to increase this when you are feeling low). Run a bath, go for a walk, put your feet up or do a meditation. Sometimes we just need to sit and cry whilst holding a loving space for ourselves.

4. Focus your attention on the present moment:

Often our feelings of sadness and pain pop up because we are projecting our thoughts and worries into the future. Fear is simply: False Evidence Appearing Real! It is not reality and we actually have no idea what will happen in the future so we need to be careful not to waste our precious energy on stressing about 'what might happen'. In order to bring yourself back to the present moment, ask yourself: 'Am I ok right now in this moment?' or 'Are my children ok right now at this moment?' Try to look at one positive at this moment. It might be that you are grateful that the sun is shining or that you have a candle burning for you right now. It's the simple things that can uplift us enough to break the cycle.

The main point here is to nurture you. If you have children with you while your feeling down, make a cup of tea and sit quietly for a few minutes while you give yourself some breathing space. I find if I explain to my children that I need a few minutes to myself, they will usually be ok with that if I set them up properly with something to do during this time. Headphones can also be a saviour for a few minutes to rebalance yourself.